14 Apr James 06: Taming the tongue

James 3:1-12

Not many of you should become teachers, my brothers, for you know that we who teach will be judged with greater strictness. ² For we all stumble in many ways. And if anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle his whole body. ³ If we put bits into the mouths of horses so that they obey us, we guide their whole bodies as well. ⁴ Look at the ships also: though they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are guided by a very small rudder wherever the will of the pilot directs. ⁵ So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things. How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire!

⁶ And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell. ⁷ For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind, ⁸ but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. ⁹ With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. ¹⁰ From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so. ¹¹ Does a spring pour forth from the same opening both fresh and salt water? ¹² Can a fig tree, my brothers, bear olives, or a grapevine produce figs? Neither can a salt pond yield fresh water.

Men, have you ever asked a woman when she was due, and she wasn’t? Let me tell you, you can only get by with it once in your lifetime. If you haven’t learned your lesson after the first one, you really need to hear this sermon. Let me share with you a fun fact. Do you know that the average person spends one-fifth of their life talking? If the average person’s words were put into a book, one day’s words would fill a 50-page book. In a year, the average person’s words would fill 132 books of 200 pages each. That’s the average person. I know that’s not true for some of you. For some of you, you would have only written a book in a year with your words. While for some of you, you would have a library in a year. The point is, we are constantly talking. We talk to ourselves. We talk to others. Even when we don’t talk with our tongues, we talk with our thumbs. We are constantly talking and communicating. That is why one of the best indicators to know whether we are true Christians or not is our words.

Last week, we looked at one of the main themes of the book of James. James wants us to know that there is a big difference between the profession of faith and the possession of faith. True faith is not about professing faith but possessing faith. Today we will see that one of the marks of true faith is the control of the tongue. Have you ever noticed that when you go to a doctor for a check-up, the doctor looks to see what’s on your tongue to tell what’s going on deep inside? That’s what this passage is all about. When we look at what’s on our tongue, we will learn a lot about our hearts. Because our words are the reflection of our hearts. And here is James’ point: our words matter. Our words are extremely powerful. Think about it. Our lives have been shaped by words spoken to us, words spoken over us, and words spoken about us. And words not only affect us the moment we hear them, but words also shape our lives. They shape our childhood experiences. They shape our marriages. They also shape who we see in the mirror. A confident person can have his confidence destroyed by words, and a timid person can have his confidence built by words. Here is my sermon in a nutshell. Words are extremely powerful. If we can master our words, if we can master our tongue, we can master our lives.

I have three points for my sermon: the power of the tongue; the poison of the tongue; the problem of the tongue.

The power of the tongue

James 3:1-2 – Not many of you should become teachers, my brothers, for you know that we who teach will be judged with greater strictness. ² For we all stumble in many ways. And if anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle his whole body.

There is a saying that if you listen to your pastor preach long enough, you will be able to detect his sin. Why? Because pastors talk a lot. And if you let people talk long enough, you will find out what he or she is really about. I’ve heard that many pastors in Sydney only preach 25-minute sermons. But I preach 50-minute sermons, which means you can detect my sin a lot faster. Here James is giving a warning that not many should become Bible teachers because they will be judged by God with greater strictness. It almost sounds as if James is saying, “Hey, don’t be a Bible teacher. Don’t lead a Bible study. Don’t be an MC leader. Don’t be a Sunday school teacher. Because if you do and you don’t do it well, God will judge you.” And after the service, everyone in teaching capacities resigns and becomes ushers. But that’s not what James is saying. James is not trying to discourage Christians from becoming Bible teachers. But James is saying, “Be extremely careful. Do not promote anyone who is not qualified to be a teacher. Because a teacher of the Bible has the capacity to heavily damage the church with his or her words. And God will hold that person accountable for it.”

That’s why we do not promote preachers easily in our church. For anyone to preach in this pulpit, they need to go through years of process first. Because we take teaching the Bible very seriously. Promoting a preacher who is not ready is very damaging both to the church and to that person’s spiritual health. That’s also one of the reasons why I write sermon manuscripts. Writing manuscripts helps me to not err so much with my words. And even then, I still say something I shouldn’t here and there, like a brothel and ask a particular guy about it. It wasn’t in my manuscript. It was a slip of the tongue. Please pray for me. But let me give you one side point from verse 1. Be careful who you listen to. Today we live in a day and time where we can listen to any preacher we want. Choose wisely. Not every preacher of the Bible is qualified to teach the Bible. And if you listen to the wrong preacher, it might destroy you instead of building you up.

But this warning is not only given to teachers but everyone. Everyone stumbles in words. And if there is anyone who does not stumble in words, James says that person is perfect. That person can control his whole body. The word perfect here does not mean sinless but rather complete and mature. James is saying that a mature and complete Christian knows how to control his tongue. And a person who knows how to control his tongue also knows how to control his whole body. In other words, if we gain control of our tongue, we will be able to keep our entire body out of trouble. I love how Alec Motyer puts it. “The tongue is the key-factor in controlled living. We ask ourselves how we are to control the powerful forces within us that drive us into sin, and James replies by talking about something we never considered—do we control our tongues? Are we the masters of the master-key? The tongue is the key-factor in consistent living.” The tongue is the master key. If we can control our tongue, we can control our whole body. And then James gives us illustrations to make his point.

James 3:3-5 – ³ If we put bits into the mouths of horses so that they obey us, we guide their whole bodies as well. ⁴ Look at the ships also: though they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are guided by a very small rudder wherever the will of the pilot directs. ⁵ So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things. How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire!

Now, I am not much of a horse person, so I have to take James’ words for it. A horse is a very strong animal. If you get in a fight with a horse, it doesn’t matter if you have a black belt in taekwondo, a horse can easily kill you. But a horse can actually be controlled by the person riding it. What does the controlling is a small piece of metal called bit, which sits in the horse’s mouth and can be used by its rider to control it. A big strong horse can be controlled by something so small in its mouth. The same with ships. Many years ago, I was on a cruise ship from Singapore to Malaysia. And the cruise ship was massive. It had an outdoor pool and an indoor pool. It had a workout room. It had many different restaurants, ballrooms, and entertainment rooms. And it can carry hundreds and even thousands of people. But do you know what controls that huge cruise ship? A very small rudder. All the captain of the ship does is turn the wheel, and the rudder shifts from one way to the other, and the entire ship follows. Something as small as a rudder can control something as huge as a cruise ship. James’ point is something as small as a tongue can have a huge impact on our lives and the lives of others. Despite its small size, the tongue has an enormous impact. Do you know that the tongue has eight different muscles? And you should not be surprised by this, but those eight different muscles in the tongue never get tired, never get weary, and never get exhausted. You can work out those eight muscles without rest. That’s why some people can talk nonstop.

But the third illustration is very sobering. The tongue is extremely powerful, and it has massive potential for good. But it can also be extremely destructive. The tongue is not something we tend to use for good. James likens the tongue to a forest fire. At the end of 2019, NSW went through the worst bushfire in its history. How many of you were there? The bushfire was so bad that we were covered in smoke for months. 26 lives were lost. 2448 homes were destroyed. 5.5 million hectares of land were burnt. They estimated that more than one billion animals in NSW were killed. But do you know what caused that massive bushfire? One little spark. That’s it. One tiny spark can burn down an entire forest. That’s the destructive power of the tongue. Tongue is like a little spark that can destroy lives. Think about the size of our tongue compared to the rest of the body. It is very small in comparison. But our tongue has the potential to destroy lives more than any other part of the body.

The point in saying all of that is simply this. Our words are more powerful than we think. Proverbs 18:21 – Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits. Death and life are in the power of the tongue. Do not underestimate the power of our tongue. With our words, we can either give life to people or kill people. Our words are either life-giving or life-sucking. Think about it. Our best relationship came about through words. But our most estranged relationship became that way also through words. Have you ever heard the saying, “Stick and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me?” Whoever came up with it must be deaf. That person must not be able to hear words. Why? Because words are powerful. Words can penetrate deep into our souls and set us on fire. Isn’t that true? Some of you have things said to you many years ago and you are still not able to forget them. They are still controlling you. Maybe it’s the things your parents have said, the things your friends have said, the things your ex have said, they are still deep inside of you, and you can’t get rid of them.

Listen. Words turn something abstract and add weight to it. If you think someone is stupid, that’s abstract. But the moment you say, “You are stupid”, it has weight and reality. And that reality can stay with that person and distort that person’s life. Words have that kind of power. Do you know that hundreds of people kill themselves each year not because of deep depression, not because they went through deep struggles, but because they were constantly mocked and bullied with words? How many murders, suicides, and wars have been caused by words? Words can destroy confidence, morale, relationships, marriages, families, and countries. Words might seem like little sparks, but they are actually bombs. When a jury says, “You are guilty”, those words can affect where you spend the rest of your life. When a president says, “We are going to war”, those words affect everything and everybody in the country. Words are powerful. Words have the power of life and death.

But why? Why are words extremely powerful? Because our God is a speaking God. He created the universe by speaking. One moment there was nothing, then God spoke, and everything came to be. God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light. God’s words create reality. And the Bible tells us that we are created in God’s image and likeness. Do you know what it means? Get this. The reason words have a living power in us, the reason words can either nourish or destroy souls, is because we are made in the image of a speaking God. It means we need words. We need to hear words and we need to speak words. And our words have the ability to create reality. For example, self-image. Where do we get our self-image? Some people say, “Don’t worry about what other people say about you. What’s important is you like you and you like what you are doing. You don’t need other people’s approval. As long as you like you, that is all that matters.” Let me tell you, that’s rubbish. No one can live that way. Imagine me saying, “You know what? I’ve been preaching in this church for more than 10 years and no one ever likes my sermons. Many people fall asleep and some even snore while I preach. No life is ever changed through my preaching. Everybody in the church absolutely hates my sermons. But I am okay with that. I like myself and I like my sermons. I know my sermons are great and that’s all that matters.” Do you know where people like that end up? Mental hospital. I can’t live like that. No one can. Why? Because we need to have words from outside. We need others to tell us that we are doing well; that we are approved and accepted. That’s how we form our self-image. Self-image is the accumulation of all the things that have been said about us by parents, teachers, and friends over the years. Our self-image is created by words. Can you see how powerful words are? Words are what makes us human beings.

The poison of the tongue

James 3:6-8 – ⁶ And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell. ⁷ For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind, ⁸ but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.

In these verses, James provides an anatomy of the tongue, and it is very bleak. First, James says that the tongue is a world of unrighteousness. It means that the tongue has a capacity for evil like no other part of our body. We can hit someone with our hands, but we can destroy nations with our words. The potential for any world-changing horrors lies in our tongues. Second, the tongue stains the whole body. It corrupts not only a particular part of the body but every part of the body. Third, the tongue sets on fire the entire course of life. The tongue not only affects every part of our body, but it also affects our whole life. Just a few careless words and the result can be untold damage for the rest of our lives. Today with this little microphone on my cheek, I could ruin my entire career with words. I can say some things and next week Edrick will be here saying, “Do you all remember Yosi? Yeah, he is not coming back. He said some things last week and he is out. He said he was sorry, but we have to let him go.” Words have the power to burn our future.

And fourth, the tongue is set on fire by hell. Do you know why our words are extremely destructive? Because they originated from hell. They are the instrument of Satan himself. Our words are hellish. That’s why James says that our tongue is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. Words are extremely powerful, but our tongues are full of deadly poison. So, what comes out of our mouths is powerful poison. When I was preparing this sermon, I looked online for some of the world’s most poisonous creatures. And do you know what I found? Most of them are very small creatures. And yet they carry with them poison strong enough to kill an elephant. That’s our tongue. Our tongue is a weapon of mass destruction. If I asked you to recount the most painful times of your life, most likely it would involve something that was said to you. Am I right? Charles Spurgeon puts it nicely. “If all men’s sins were divided into two bundles, half of them would be sins of the tongue.” One preacher says that no part of us is in a more slippery place than the tongue. That’s why God has given us teeth and a mouth – teeth to cage in that deadly weapon, and a mouth to close it in.

And James is not finished. The bad news is not only our tongue is a weapon of mass destruction, but our tongue is also uncontrollable. It cannot be tamed. To make his point, James takes us to the animal kingdom. If you have ever been to the circus or sea world, you would know that many wild animals can be tamed. We see dolphins jump up high in the air and wave at us. We see elephants play with balls. We see parrots singing karaoke, and tigers playing with their trainers. It’s amazing to see the human ability to tame wild animals. But here is what’s surprising. Despite our ability to tame animals so huge, we are not able to tame our tongue that is so small. James is making a point that it is easier to tame lions and scorpions than our tongues. If we think our tongue is something that we can control on our own, we are kidding ourselves. No matter how strong and capable we are, we will never be able to control our tongues by ourselves. Let me prove it to you. How many of you ever said something that you regret later? How many of you ever said something that the moment those words came out of your mouth, you were thinking, “Why did I say that?” How many of you ever said something hurtful on purpose? You know you shouldn’t say it, you didn’t want to say it, you know if you say that it would crush them, but it still came out of your mouth anyway. Do you see? If we think we can control our tongue, we don’t know ourselves. So here is the paradox: Controlling our tongue is something we must do but we cannot do. James is telling us to do something he knows we cannot do. And he is not done.

James 3:9-10 – ⁹ With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. ¹⁰ From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so. James shows us how inconsistent we are with our words. With the same tongue, we both praise God and curse people. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. We might come to church and sing praises to God. We tell God how glorious he is. We lift our hands in worship. We say glory to his name. We say amen when we hear the sermon. We pray for others. But when we leave this place, on our way to dinner, we curse at someone who cut our lane. So, we sing, “Amazing grace, how sweet the sound” at church and then say on our drive home, “Where is your eye, you idiot?” We yell at our spouses. We speak ill of the person we don’t like at church. We gossip. We tear down others. And James is saying these things ought not to be so. We can’t bless God and then curse others. Do you know why? Because those people we curse at are made in the likeness of God just like us. We can’t say we love God and treat people who are created in the likeness of God like trash. To curse people, to gossip about people is to speak evil of God.

Let that sink in. Whenever we speak ill of others, we speak ill about people who are made in the image and likeness of God; it is an attack against God. Whenever we gossip about someone, we are not simply speaking badly about that person, we speak badly against God. Because that person has the stamp of God on him or her. Married couples, this includes bedroom talk between the two of you. Just because you are talking to your spouse in a private room where there is no one else, it does not make it less wrong. I am not saying that there is no room to criticize wrongdoing. But criticizing wrongdoing and tearing down a person is different. When we gossip and tear down a person, we attack God who made that person in his likeness. Be careful. And as Christians, we need to take this seriously. We often get upset when we hear someone blaspheme God, but how often do we gossip about others? That’s inconsistency. That’s blessing and cursing from the same mouth.

So, here is a point of reflection for all of us. How do we use our words? Are our words filled with grace, mercy, and love? Or are our words filled with slander, condemnation, and poison? Do our words reflect the beautiful truth of the gospel or the fire of hell? Are we slow to speak? Or are we careless with our words? Let’s do an honest introspection. Because our words reveal a lot about our spiritual condition. And one day God will hold us accountable for every word we say. And I am not making it up. This is Jesus’ words. Matthew 12:36-37 – ³⁶ I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak, ³⁷ for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned. There is a Sunday school song that makes this point really well. If you know this song, sing along with me. “O be careful little mouth what you say. O be careful little mouth what you say. There’s a Father up above, and He’s looking down in love. So, be careful little mouth what you say.” One day, we will have to stand before God and explain to him why we said what we said. Every harsh word, every gossip, every lie, every curse, every word we said in a moment of frustration and anger, every email and text message we sent, God will hold us accountable. That’s why James said earlier in chapter 1, be slow to speak. Because as soon as those words come out of our mouth, we can’t get it back. We don’t have the option, “This message has been deleted.” That’s not how real life works. And we will have to give account for every careless word we have spoken. If we know this, we will think twice before we speak.

The problem of the tongue

James 3:11-12 – ¹¹ Does a spring pour forth from the same opening both fresh and salt water? ¹² Can a fig tree, my brothers, bear olives, or a grapevine produce figs? Neither can a salt pond yield fresh water.

James is telling us that our tongue is like a spiritual barometer. It shows us what is really going on inside us. Fresh and salt water will never flow from the same spring. They don’t have the same source. Fresh water comes from one kind of source, salt water from another. The same goes for fruits. If we want grapes, we can’t look for grapes from a fig tree. A fig tree will produce figs. We will never find durian on an apple tree. A product is always a reflection of its source. The same with our tongue. What comes out of our tongues reveals our source. It reveals what is going on underneath. Listen to how Jesus puts it. Matthew 12:33-35 – ³³ “Either make the tree good and its fruit good, or make the tree bad and its fruit bad, for the tree is known by its fruit. ³⁴ You brood of vipers! How can you speak good, when you are evil? For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. ³⁵ The good person out of his good treasure brings forth good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure brings forth evil. Did you get that? Jesus says our words come from our hearts. Our words expose what is in our hearts. Every one of us has something in our lives that is filling our hearts. It is out of the abundance of the heart that the mouth speaks. So, here is the uncomfortable truth we must come to terms with. If our words are bitter, it reveals our hearts are bitter. If our words are poisonous, it is because our hearts are poisonous. If our words are spicy, our hearts are spicy. If our words are destructive, our hearts are hellish. The point is simply this. Un-Christian words are evidence of an un-Christian heart.

It means we cannot blame others for our words. Do you know why we curse others? It’s not because of what they did, it’s because we have a dirty heart. Do you know why we are always gossiping and slandering others? It’s not because their life is juicy, it’s because we have a wicked heart. So, when we say something bad to others, what we cannot say is, “I didn’t really mean it. I just said those things in the heat of the moment. That’s not really me.” We can’t. When we say it, we really mean it. Because what comes out of our mouths originated from our hearts. Our hearts are a mess and the worst word that slips out of our tongues is just a glimpse of the actual depravity of our hearts. A tongue problem is ultimately a heart problem. And if that’s true, it means no external solution will work. Back when I was still a little kid, whenever children used bad language, do you know what the parents would do? “You better watch your words if you do not want me to put chilli in your mouth.” How many of you know what I am talking about? I think it’s illegal to do it today. But if we think that those chillies can change the children’s hearts, we are so naïve. Those chillies do not change the children’s heart. It might stop them from using profanity in front of their parents, but that’s it. They still mumble them behind their parents. This teaches us an important lesson. If we want to change the tongue, we must change the heart. Change the heart and the tongue will follow.

Think about it. Why do we say hurtful words? Let me tell you why. Because there is something that our hearts really want. There is something that our hearts really desire. There is something we are longing strongly that we say, “If I have that, then I’ll be happy, and I won’t get mad.” And when we don’t get it, we blow up. Let me use my own life for example. What my heart longs for is approval. My love language is words of affirmation. That means that when I blow up, when I say hurtful words, it is often because I don’t get the approval my heart longs for. I lash out at others because I feel underappreciated or rejected. So, I can’t blame others for the hurtful words I say. I might have been hurt by others, but those hurtful words come from my heart that longs for approval and acceptance. And the same with you. I don’t know what your heart longs for. Maybe it’s acceptance like me. Maybe it’s comfort. Maybe it’s control or power. But it is out of the abundance of heart that your mouth speaks. Your words only reveal what is happening in your heart. So, the question is not how do we control our tongue but how do we change our hearts? James gives us the hint already.

James 3:9-10 – ⁹ With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. ¹⁰ From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so. James says we can either praise God with our mouths or curse people with our mouths. We can do both, but we can’t do both at the same time. So, if we want to stop cursing people, we need to praise God. That is what is going to heal our hearts. Our hearts need to be captivated by God so much that what comes out of our mouths is praises to him. How do we do that? We need to hear God say to us, “You are my beloved child in whom I am pleased.” And this is the good news of the gospel. Everything our hearts desire is already ours because of the cross of Jesus Christ. Think about the gospel. Jesus was the word of God who took on flesh. All things were created through him, and nothing was created apart from him. His words were extremely powerful. Jesus lived the perfect life, and he never sins with his words. And yet he was set on fire with words. Jesus was mocked, spat on, ridiculed, and betrayed with words. Why? Because that is what we deserve for our abuse of words. Do you know what Jesus said when he was falsely accused? Nothing. And do you know what Jesus said to those who mocked him at the cross? “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.” He could have destroyed them with his powerful words, but he blessed them instead. At the cross, the only person who is perfect with his words was cursed, so that we who deserve to be cursed because of our words might be blessed. Because of Jesus, today we hear God say to us, “I love you. I accept you. I cherish you. You are my treasure. You are mine.” And when we see what Jesus did for us, when we see the cost for him to make us God’s beloved children, what comes out of our mouths is not curses but praises to God the Father.

Do you know what it does to us? It heals our wounded hearts. Those words from God have the power to replace all the negative words that were said to us, over us, and about us. All those things our parents said, all those things our friends said, all those things we have said, all of those words that are haunting us, have been replaced by the sweetness of God’s words over us. Now our hearts are filled with the sense of beauty of what Jesus did for us. Instead of curses, what comes of our mouths is Jesus. We just want to talk about what Jesus has done because Jesus has filled our hearts, and it spills into all our conversations. Our words are healed because we no longer need other people to give us what our hearts long for. We already have them in Jesus. Do you see? What will change our words is not more self-will or self-control but the beauty of Jesus Christ. As long as our hearts still desire something more than Christ, our words will be boastful or hateful. It is only when our hearts are captivated by the beauty of Jesus that our words change.

Let me close by talking to two groups of people. Some of you have been deeply hurt by words. You have those extremely painful wounds that go back to what someone said to you, over you, or about you. If that’s you, what I want you to do is to hear the word of your Saviour over their words. People might have told you, “You are ugly. You are stupid. You are not good enough.” But God said, “Before you were knit in your mother’s womb, I knew you, I loved you, and I have chosen you to be mine.” People might have told you, “You are a mess. You have no future. You are nobody. You are dirty.” But God said, “I have made you a new creation. You are lovely. You are holy. You are beautiful. You are my treasure.” People might have told you, “You are impossible to live with. You don’t deserve any love. I am leaving you.” But God said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you. I am yours and you are forever mine.” What you need to heal the wounds of words is to dwell on the sweeter words of your Saviour.

Some of you have hurt others deeply with your words and you know it. My question is, who do you need to apologize to? Is it your husband? Your wife? Your children? Your parents? Your friends? Do not underestimate the power of saying “I am sorry.” It has the potential to save and restore a relationship. And don’t get frustrated when the relationship is not restored immediately. You can’t expect to say, “I’m sorry” and everything is back to square one. Words hurt immediately but recovery takes time. That’s why before you apologize for your careless words, preach the gospel to your heart first. Remind yourself of what Christ has done for you. Soak in the beauty of Christ until your heart sings praises to God. Then go and apologize out of the abundance of Christ’s love in your heart. Let’s pray.

Discussion questions:

1. What struck you the most from the sermon?
2. Why are words extremely powerful? Can you think of examples from your own life? (Can be both positive or negative example)
3. Explain why gossiping and slandering others should not be tolerated. What are some things you can do to tackle them in your community?
4. Why can’t you blame external circumstances for your words? What does it say about your problem?
5. How does the gospel heal your words?