06 Jul Godly grief

2 Corinthians 7:2-16

 

It’s a real joy and privilege to open God’s Word with you today.

I don’t know all your stories, but I do know this: grief is universal. Whether you’re here today with wounds from the past or simply trying to make sense of the world—we all know what it’s like to carry pain.

Sometimes grief comes through loss—of a loved one, a job, a relationship, or all of the above. Other times it’s more subtle: regret, disappointment, or the ache that things are not as they should be.

Here’s the problem: In our world today, we don’t really know what to do with grief.

• Some of us try to numb it. Others suppress it. Some carry it quietly and pretend everything’s fine.

Today, I’d like to propose something radical: What if your grief is actually a gift?

What if grief could be a doorway to grace?

This is what the apostle Paul teaches us in 2 Corinthians 7.

• He reflects on a painful season in his relationship with the Corinthian church.
• He had written a harsh letter that had caused them grief—but not the kind of grief that destroys. Rather, it led them to repentance and restoration.

Paul contrasts two types of grief: worldly grief and godly grief—one leads to despair; the other leads to life.

How you grieve made a difference!

And that’s what we’re going to explore together today—how godly grief changes us.

 

Worldly Grief

But first, lets quickly look at worldly grief, which often leads to self-pity, shame, and despair.  We primarily do this in two ways: Secular and Religious approach.

I) The Secular Approach (Distraction & Despair)

In a world where life is seen as short and random, grief is treated like a problem to solve or escape.

So, we are often encouraged to “move on”—not to dwell on our loss. We distract ourselves through work, entertainment, or endless scrolling.

Another way a secular person deals with grief is by falling into despair. Because this is all life has to offer, sorrow becomes meaningless, and we are left to make the most of today.

II) The Religious Approach

Religious people do no better either.

• We suppress grief, thinking that it is a sign of weak faith.
• We may even moralise it—believing that our suffering is God’s punishment.

We turn faith into a transaction: “If I’m good, God will bless me; I suffer, because I have failed God.”

Neither of these approaches is satisfactory.

Christianity offers a third approach: The Gospel says we’re sinners who received His grace—not because we’re good, but because the LORD is good.

The Gospel’s approach shifts the focus from self to God, without minimising our grief.

Christianity teaches that restoration comes when we face our grief with honesty before God and being met with His grace.

The apostle Paul doesn’t just critique the wrong approaches to grieve—he points us to the Gospel that leads to restoration, instead of despair.

Paul calls it godly grief. 

Let’s take a closer look at the Gospel approach to grief by asking three questions:

1. What is it?
2. What does it look like?
3. What does it produce?

1. What is it? The Nature of Godly Grief

What do you do with grief?

In our culture, grief is often seen as a negative emotion to be avoided. We are told to:

• Move on quickly,
• Suppress our guilt, or
• Numb our pain with distractions.
  • Some numb their grief with work, others with drugs or alcohol.

The Bible offers us a better alternative.

• If worldly grief leads to self-pity and despair; Godly grief leads to renewal and restoration.

We must realise that the Bible never trivialises our grief, nor exaggerates them. 

The Corinthians were grieved because of Paul’s strong rebuke. Rebuke (or correction) is uncomfortable for the one giving it, and also for the one receiving it.

• It’s uncomfortable to be corrected—some people walk away from churches, or from relationships, because they don’t know what to do with that pain.
• But the Corinthians didn’t quit on Paul.

As Christians, our rebuke comes mainly from the Word of God, either directly from God or through a brother/sister.

• If you’ve ever been on the receiving end, you know how painful it can be.

When it happens, you have two options: quit or process it.

• If you quit, because blame others or your situation, you won’t grow.
• If you choose to process it, you will grieve, but you may grow.

Some might think you don’t need a correction in your life.

But friends, because God is holy and we are sinful, then His Word will rebuke us.

If you worship a living God, and the Bible is His Word, then, when you read it, or when you hear God’s Word being preached, there’s going to be a rebuke of your sinful life.

So, what is godly grief?

Godly grief is about how we process our grief with the Gospel lens.

• The Gospel assures us that grief is not God’s punishment but proof of His love at work in us.

1. S. Lewis writes (Collected Letters, vol. 3):

“All His (the Lord’s) terrible resources (but it is we who force Him to use them) will be brought against us to detach us from [the world]—insecurity, war, poverty, pain, unpopularity, loneliness. We must be taught that this tent is not home.”

 

If that is true, then not only can you expect grief in your life, you can expect growth from it.

• Some of you are going through it, and I want to say to you, don’t run from it—bring your grief to God, and you can expect growth from it.
• If you have never experienced it, then you can expect it.

If you are grieving today, the Gospel tells us that it is not that God abandons you.

• Your grief is not the proof that God isn’t near, but rather that your heart is in need of transformation.

Therefore, you can be honest to God in your grief. Come to Him in your prayer. Come to Him messy. Come to Him broken.

If you need help, read & meditate on the book of Psalms, it is full of honest prayers from the grieving hearts—people who, instead of running away from God, are running to Him. We can all learn much from Psalms.

So, what does godly grief look like in practice?

2. What does it look like? The Fruit of Repentance

For the Corinthians, godly grief looks like repentance.

 

“As it is, I rejoice, not because you were grieved, but because you were grieved into repenting. For you felt a godly grief, so that you suffered no loss through us.”

(2 Corinthians 7:9 ESV)

 

What is repentance? The late pastor Tim Keller often emphasises that true repentance is not the same as regret.

• Regret is skin deep—it’s sorrow over consequences.
• Repentance is heart deep—it’s sorrow over breaking God’s heart.

We all have seen how this is played out on the news:

When public figures (politicians, pastors) issue an apology for their actions after they’ve been exposed—the focus is damage control. In other words, they regret being caught, not for the sin itself.

Without true repentance, when the pressure is eventually off, the sin will always resurface. This is why some of us entertain sin in our lives repeatedly.

Some people are living in sin, thinking that they won’t get caught because they are good at hiding it from those around them.

True repentance does not just say, “I feel bad, I made a mistake” but rather, “I am a sinner in need of repentance.”

Paul outlines the evidences of true repentance in verse 11:

“For see what earnestness this godly grief has produced in you, but also what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what longing, what zeal, what punishment! At every point you have proved yourselves innocent in the matter.” (2 Corinthians 7:11 ESV)

Three things to mention about true repentance:

1. Earnestness and eagerness – True repentance is not passive; it stirs a desire to make things right, not just an admission of wrong.
2. Indignation and fear – A repentant heart is not indifferent toward sin but feels its weight.
3. Longing and zeal – Repentance is fueled by a passion for holiness.

True repentance is not about beating yourself up, but rediscovering the joy of God’s grace and mercy in your life.

Repentance leads to freedom, not despair.

King David had a group of elite soldiers known as “the Thirty”. One of them was Uriah. And Bathsheba was Uriah’s wife.

Psalm 51 is the Psalm of David after he was confronted by a prophet Nathan for his adultery with Bathsheba.

Pay attention to David’s prayer to God:

³           For I know my transgressions,

                        and my sin is ever before me.

⁴           Against you, you only, have I sinned

                        and done what is evil in your sight,

             so that you may be justified in your words

                        and blameless in your judgment.

Hang on a second, King David abused his power, and to make things worse, he ordered for the murder of Uriah after finding out he got Bathsheba pregnant (2 Samuel 11).

David sinned against Uriah, against Bathsheba. He abused the trust the Israelites had in him as their king. And how dare he say to God, “Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight” (verse 4).

What is going on?

You see, David went deep, straight down to the root of his sinful heart. His actions were wrong, but he knew it was wrong because he had sinned against God. For a real change to happen, it must happen at the heart level.

David did not just regret his behaviour, he grieved over his sinful heart.

But he did not stop there, he did not just grieve over his sin, he longs for renewal and restoration when he said (in vv. 10-12):

¹⁰          Create in me a clean heart, O God,

                        and renew a right spirit within me.

¹¹          Cast me not away from your presence,

                        and take not your Holy Spirit from me.

¹²          Restore to me the joy of your salvation,

                        and uphold me with a willing spirit.

Many think repentance is a private matter. But true repentance always bears outward fruit—it changes how we live and relate to others.

If you’ve grieved over sin, let it move you to reconciliation and to pursue holiness. Don’t just say “I’m sorry”—live the change.

Godly grief will eventually lead to joy.

3. What does it produce? The Joy of Restoration

For Paul, after he writes to the Corinthians about their godly grief at length, he concludes:

“Therefore we are comforted. And besides our own comfort, we rejoiced still more at the joy of Titus, because his spirit has been refreshed by you all.”

(2 Corinthians 7:13 ESV)

For Paul, the final product of the Corinthians’ godly grief is his comfort and joy.

 

Godly grief is a gift.

It is a sign of God’s grace at work in us, leading us to repentance, transformation, and restoration.

Godly grief leads to transformation.

As we have seen, real change happens at the heart level.

What happens to our heart when we repent? Our hearts become tender.

 

What does it mean?

It means that our hearts will finally become more like a real heart.

• When a heart of flesh sees evil and sin, his heart is broken, his heart is pained. He grieves.
  • On the other hand, a heart of stone mocks, looks down, and despises.

 

Christians, we are not called to suppress our emotions and hide our grief. Grief is not a bug in the system, it is a feature by design.

When our Lord heard about Lazarus’ death, “Jesus wept.” (John 11:35)

• Even though Jesus knew He would soon raise Lazarus, He still grieved for His friend’s death. His sorrow was real, showing us that godly grief is not a lack of faith but an expression of love.

The more we grow like Jesus, the more our heart breaks with His.

As we mature in Christ-likeness, we may find ourselves moved to tears more often—not from melancholy, but because our hearts ache for what grieves the Lord’s.

If godly grief leads to joy, then, you must not waste your sorrow.

Instead, bring your tears to God. Let your pain soften your heart. The path to joy runs through repentance, not around it.

Because Jesus wept—you don’t need to be ashamed of your sorrow. God uses sorrow to make us more like Christ. You don’t need to be in hurry—God is not.

 

How does this apply to you and me?

I) Do not run from your sorrow

Paul said earlier:

“For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison,”

(2 Corinthians 4:17 ESV)

Our sorrow is a light momentary affliction that produces the eternal weight of glory.

Dane Orlund helpfully expanded:

“If you want to be a solid, weighty, radiant old man or woman someday, let the pain in your life force you to believe your own theology. Let it propel you into deeper fellowship with Christ than ever before. Don’t let your heart dry up. He is in your pain. He is refining you… God loves us too much to let us remain shallow.”

II) Do not waste your sorrow

The Psalmist wrote:

“Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy!

 He who goes out weeping, bearing the seed for sowing, shall come home with shouts of joy, bringing his sheaves with him.”

(Psalm 126:5-6 ESV)

The Lord is close to those who weep.

He doesn’t need you to be stoic.

He loves a tender heart.

But our temptation is to come to the Lord with our grief all neatly packaged up, because we are afraid that He will turn his face away from us if we don’t.

The Bible assures us:

“The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.”

(Psalm 34:18 ESV)

Your tears are never wasted when you come to the Lord.

The Lord won’t turn his face away from you.

We know this, because of what happened to Jesus on the Cross.

Your grief, your sorrow, it is not punishment from God.

Through your tears, you must look at the Cross of Christ, there He was nailed for your sin.

Jesus took your punishment.

On the Cross, the Son of God cried out, “My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?”

But there was silence, the Father turned His face away.

Because He looked away then, today He will never turn His face away from you.

To be a Christian, is to look to Christ—a man of sorrows.

Only when you bring your tears to the Cross, can you be sorrowful, yet always rejoicing.

If you don’t have a relationship with Jesus, your sorrow may be an invitation—not a sign of God’s absence, but of His pursuit of you.

Perhaps, you don’t believe in God or that Jesus died for your sin.

I want you to consider this:

If there’s no God, then your grief has no meaning.

But what if your sorrow is the way your heart is pointing you to something greater—that you were made for another world without pain and tears?

 

 

Discussion questions:

1. What struck you the most from the sermon?
2. Which way of grieving is the most natural to you and why? Secular (distraction and despair), religious, or gospel?
3. What is the difference between regret and repentance? Give some examples.
4. “If godly grief leads to joy, then, you must not waste your sorrow.” How can you not waste your sorrow?
5. How does the gospel enable you to process your grief well?