26 Apr A love to remember: Gospel to the wife

Ephesians 5:22-24

²² Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. ²³ For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Saviour. ²⁴ Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

Gospel to the wife by a single man. What can go wrong right? Let’s recap what we learned last week about the responsibilities of men. Men are created stronger than women, but that strength is not to be used to dominate women but rather to protect her. Husbands are called to love their wives sacrificially and lead spiritually. With another word, husbands are given authority to love their wives in such a way that increases the beauty and loveliness of Christ in her. It does not mean that husbands are called to fix their wives. Don’t do that, men. No woman wants to be fixed. Women just want to be understood. Right ladies? Men like to fix things. And our tendency is always to fix what’s wrong with our wives. And after 34 years of seeing my parents live out marriage life, let me tell you, it isn’t working! You cannot change your wives and the only one who can is Jesus. So our goal as we pursue their hearts is not to solve the problem on our own but to help her see Jesus. And that’s how change happens. Lastly, husbands are called to nourish their wives cheerfully, to be a provider.

Now ladies, how many of you want to be with this kind of husbands? Husbands who love sacrificially, lead spiritually and nourish cheerfully? All women should raise their hand. Every woman wants that. Isn’t wonderful to have a husband like this? I’m here to tell you tonight that it’s possible. This is God’s design for marriage. This is God’s desire for you. That’s why I’m being hard on men last week. I hope you don’t hate me, men. But I sincerely believe that the Bible puts the weight of responsibility in making the relationship works on men. I’m going to say this again and again and I won’t apologize for it. Men, hammer this into your mind. The weight of responsibility in making relationship works lies on you. There is just no way out of it. When husbands fulfil their role, marriage flourish. But, ladies, listen carefully. It takes two to dance. C.S. Lewis calls the relationship between husband and wife, the great dance. Let’s call it the gospel dance of marriage. Now, by dance, he is not referring to wild dance at the club. *Ajep Ajep*. He is referring to intimate slow dance.

Let me tell you my story. I first learned how to do a slow dance when I was 15. Our church was having an annual drama production and they needed people to do slow dance in the drama. When they first invited me, I refused. I can’t dance and it is cheesy. But then I found out that the two cute girls in the church who were around my age were also invited and they said yes. So, I changed my mind. The only reason I joined was so that I could do a slow dance with one of them. I thought, “My parents might not allow me to date, but I can hold hands with a cute girl for free. This is awesome.” I naturally assumed I was going to be paired with one of the girls my age. However, I ended up being paired with someone who is more than 10 years older than me. I am convinced that my parents worked behind the scenes to make sure of it. #LifeOfPastorKid. But here is what I learned about slow dance. In this dance, you cannot have both parties do the same thing. The dance won’t work. They have to complement each other. When one goes to the right, the other goes to the left. When one move left foot forward, the other has to move right foot backward. Instead of identical equivalent movement, there have to be complementary and harmonious movement. Someone has to lead and the other has to follow. You cannot have two people trying to lead. The dance won’t work. And in the gospel dance of marriage, husbands are called to lead the dance. But listen ladies. Even though the weight of responsibility to lead is given to men, unless women decided to play their part, there is no gospel dance. A man cannot lead a woman who does not want to be led. This is why every time Paul speaks on the issue of husbands and wives, he always speaks to the wives first. Yes, the main responsibility lies with men. But get this. No man can lead a woman who refused to be led.

Single men, let me tell you why tonight is important for you. Because one day that smoking hot dream girl will be a wrinkly old lady. Physical attraction can only last for so long. It has its expiry date. Gravity will eventually win. So if you decide to marry a woman based on her physical attraction alone, it is better to be single for the rest of your life. Because a woman who is not willing to play her part in marriage will make life extremely difficult for you. I am not saying that physical attraction does not matter. Physical attraction does matter. After all, you will wake up next to that person every morning and you better like what you see. You don’t want to have a heart attack every morning you open your eyes. “O my gosh, who are you? Oh, it’s my wife.” But there is so much more to consider other than just physical attraction. That’s why tonight is important for you, single guys. You are looking for a dance partner. And you need to know whether she has what it takes to dance with you or not. Because this dance will continue till death separate you. Ladies, tonight is important for you because you need to know your role in the dance. A man can try as hard as he can, but unless you are playing your role, there is no dance.

So tonight, I want to take a look at responsibilities of wives; distorted image; and I will give you some applications at the end. I intentionally make the outline very similar to last week. And husbands, tonight is not about you. These verses are directed to your wives. So, stay away from using these verses against her. I know many wives were smiling with a big grin at their husbands last week, but husbands, don’t give them the same smiles today. Don’t give them the “ehem.” Remember, you are called to love sacrificially. Let me do the preaching and let the Holy Spirit do the convicting. One husband told me last week after the sermon, “Yos, make sure you do your very best in your sermon next week.” I will brother. Leave it to me. I will wipe that grin off the wives’ faces today. Right now, I am sure lots of scary eyes are staring at me, waiting to crucify me the moment I said something wrong. Are you ready?

Responsibilities of wives

I promise we’ll get to our passage, but I want to start in a different place tonight. Genesis 2:18 – Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” Now, think about it. What God is saying here has a massive implication. We covered this in the first part, but we must remember it. At this time, Adam is in the garden of Eden. He is in a perfect environment. He has a relationship with the triune God. Adam has everything. He has the delight, pleasure, and the love of God. Yet God says that it is not good for Adam to be alone. This is the first “not good” in the Bible. And this “not good” is not accidental. This “not good” is by God’s design. God does not make a mistake when he created Adam. As awesome and capable Adam is, God says that it is not good for him to be alone. Adam needs a helper fit for him. That one statement is extremely beautiful and crucial for us to understand the responsibilities of wives.

First, wife is a helper. Now, the moment I say that every feminist is ready to stone me. If you are a feminist, I know what you are thinking right now. “I can’t believe this guy! What did he just call me? A helper? Are you serious?” I get it. I feel you. This goes against what our culture believes. But I cannot and will not change what the Bible says on the matter. However, I want to show you what the Bible means by calling wives as a helper. The way we often define helper and the way the Bible define helper is very different. So, let’s make sure we are on the same page as the Bible. When we think of helper, we often think of domestic helper that helps us or works for us. But that’s not how the Bible defines the term helper. The word helper in this passage comes from the Hebrew word “Ezer.” And what’s interesting about this word is that it is almost always used to describe God himself. One of the roles that God took again and again is to be our Ezer or to be a powerful reinforcement. So helper in the context of the Bible does not refer to someone who makes life easier but someone you could not live without.

Let me give you a few implications of what it means to be a helper:

• Equal value. Please note that there is no possible way you can read the Bible correctly and comes out with the conclusion that woman is less valuable than man. Absolutely no way. God made it clear in Genesis 1 that he created both male and female in his image. So both men and woman have equal value, equal dignity and equal worth. One is not more valuable than the other. Each is the reflection of God’s image and glory. The Bible never de-value woman. Sin, however, devalue women. That’s why throughout history you find women being treated as a second class again and again. You don’t have to look far. TV shows like Game of Thrones tells you that women were treated like objects to be used. But that’s not how it was in the beginning. So, one of the things that Jesus did again and again in his ministry is that he restored the dignity of women. That is why Paul said that in Christ there is no male and female. We are all one in Christ Jesus. So ladies, please get this right. You are valuable in the sight of God.
• Strong. To help someone, you need to be strong. The only reason someone needs help is because that person is not strong enough. For women to be called helper implies that women have something that men do not have. Men, get this right – women are strong. By strong, I do not mean physical strength. Generally, men are physically stronger than women. But ladies, you have unspeakable strength that men are extremely lacking. You have such extreme tenacity and drive to fight and protect those you love. The example is childbirth. Men, we will never experience the pain of childbirth. Praise God for it. But one thing that we all know is that it is extremely painful. Painful enough to make an angel turn into a temporary demon. But raise your hand if you are not the firstborn in your family? Aren’t you glad your mother decided to have another baby after experiencing that agonizing pain the first time? Praise God for mothers’ strength… and epidural. I heard it helps. Ladies, you might not be physically stronger than men. But you are stronger than us in many other ways. You were made to be a strong helper.
• Kind. I feel the need to put it here just to be clear that your strength is to help and not to destroy your husband. That’s why you are a helper. Wives, use your strength in such a way to make up what is lacking in your husbands. You are not to use your strength to replace him but to kindly help him. The sad reality today is that many men fear women. Women can be extremely cruel with their strength sometimes. But ladies, that’s not how you were designed to use your strength. Your strength is to be used in kindness to help what is lacking in your husbands. You are called to empower your husbands, not replace your husbands. It is like helping your kids with their homework. Mom, what do you do? You don’t use your superior knowledge to do your kid’s homework for them right? That is not helping them. That is replacing them. To help them is to come alongside them and empower and enable them to do their homework. That is what it means to be a helper. That is the image given to us. Wives are stronger than their husbands in certain ways but she ought to use that power to enable and empower him, not to replace him.

Second, wife is a helper fit for her husband. So you are not just a helper, but you are a helper fit for him. The word fit here simply means that you are ‘like opposite’ to him. It is like two pieces of a puzzle that fit together because they are different in such a way that when they come together, they become whole. So ladies, even though you are created equal in worth, value and dignity with men, you are not the same as men. This is where some Feminists get it very wrong. In order to elevate the status of women, they try to remove gender roles altogether. Everything that man can do, women can also do. Ladies, as appealing as it sounds, this idea goes against what the Bible teaches. Yes, you are created equal in the eyes of God and there is no difference in value between male and female. But you are created uniquely different to fulfil a unique role. To remove the role altogether is to go against the system that God has set for a relationship to flourish. Men and women are created distinctively different to fulfil different role where they complement one another. Rather than competing with each other, men and women are to complement one another in their role. It is like harmony in music. If you know anything about music, then you know harmony comes when one person plays one melodic line, and the other plays a completely different melodic, and yet when they are joined together, it creates such a beautiful melody than if those melody is being played alone. Of course, it can also create ugly melody if it is not being done well. Yet when these differences are played well, it is beautiful. That’s what it means to complement one another.

And pay attention to this. Wives, you are a helper fit for your husband. Adam was not created for Eve but Eve was created for Adam. With another word, your first and primary responsibility as a wife is toward your husband, not your family. Let me say it in a different way. Wives, your first priority is to be a helper to your husband, not your children. You are a wife first before you are a mother. Your husband needs you more than your children. This is crucial. I have seen many wives who prioritize their children over their husbands. They are using all their time and energy for their kids. They are busy and anxious about their kids and neglect the person that needed them the most. This goes against God’s original design. Wives, your husband is the person who needs you the most. So, if you have to choose between the needs of your husband or your children, your husband should be your first priority. Which lead me to our main passage from Paul and the third responsibility of wives.

Third, wife is to submit gladly to her husband. This is part of the sermon that might get me into trouble with the ladies. Last week, all the ladies love me. And now they start to frown, and the men start to smile. Ps Daniel told me yesterday, ”I am afraid what you will preach this Sunday will make it hard for you to find a wife.” Ephesians 5:22-24 – Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Saviour. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

Relax ladies. Take a breather. I understand the word submission is very frightening. And I understand why it frightens you. Because we lived in a corrupted world. We’ve seen again and again how sin corrupted the idea of submission. Men, throughout the ages, have abused this word and used it against his wife. Maybe you’ve seen and experienced it firsthand how abusive this idea can be. Men ruled their wife with an iron fist and devalue the status of women. Yes, it happened and is still happening all over the world today. So, I do understand your concern. But it doesn’t have to be that way. The word submission does not imply that you should let your husband rules over you however he wants. Submission does not mean unconditional obedience. It cannot mean that as you are created with equal dignity with men. Paul says to submit to your husband as to the Lord. Paul does not say submit to your husband in the same way you submit to the Lord. Wives, you submit to your husband because you submit to the Lord. It means that submission to the Lord takes the first priority. So, if your husband disobeys the Lord and abuses his authority over you, run as far as you can from that relationship. Seek help. It is not God’s will for you to submit to his abusive leadership.

What then is submission? Timothy Keller calls it the tie-breaking authority. Let me share with you his story and we will dissect his story together. Many years ago, Tim wanted to move to New York and plant a church. However, his wife Kathy did not want to go. Kathy was comfortable with what they already had. The idea of moving to New York disturbed her sense of comfort and security. They already have kids and moving to New York to plant a church did not seem like a good idea to her. Tim was convinced this is where God was leading them, but Kathy did not see it the same way. She did not sign up to be a pastor’s wife in New York. So, they discussed for months and could not come into agreement. Finally, Tim said to her, “Fine then. I want to go, you don’t want to go. I am not going to force you. So we won’t go.” Pause. What happened? In our culture of gender equality, they said that unless you can come to a mutual agreement, don’t make the decision. For example, a black car or a red car? Why not a white car if both of you can agree to it? And there is wisdom to it. Please do that. Mutual agreement is great. But what happens when you can’t come to a mutual agreement? Some said, then don’t decide until you can agree. What happens when it is impossible to not make any decision? Life is filled with these scenarios. For example, should you send your kids to public school, private school or home school, and you can’t agree? You have to send them somewhere. To not make any decision is not an option. You don’t want your kids to not have an education. Like in Tim’s story, there is no middle ground. Either Tim break the tie and they go to New York or Kathy break the tie and they stay. There is no third way. Who makes the final call? The Bible says that the husband has been given that authority. So, wives, let your husband decide. But do you realize what Tim did? Tim decided not to go because his wife don’t want to go. So, by not going, Tim let his wife have the tie-breaking authority. Rather than taking the responsibility, Tim let his wife take the lead. #HappyWifeHappyLife right?

But I love what Kathy did. Kathy turned to Tim and said, “Oh no, you are not doing this to me. You just let me break the tie. What’s the use of you being a man in this family? If you see God calling us into the wild to do something wild… Look, I don’t like to take risks. I prefer safety for our family. But if God is calling you to do that, for gosh sakes, be a man! Use your tie-breaking authority!” What a wife. She refused to take the role of her husband. And off they went to Manhattan to plant Redeemer Presbyterian Church and the rest is history. Wives, this what it means to be a helper who is in glad submission to her husband. You empower your husband to live out his responsibilities. It takes a strong woman to empower her husband to live out his responsibilities. And you do it not begrudgingly but gladly as to the Lord. And all the husbands are saying, “Preach it brother!” But hear me, husbands. If you use your tie-breaking authority too often, then you are not loving your wife sacrificially. That is why you must be generous with your yes. So, when the time comes for you to decide, your wife understands that you are not neglecting her.

Distorted image

Wives, God has given you responsibilities for you to flourish in your relationship with your husbands. But because of sin, none of us are living up to our responsibilities. Rather than following God’s design, Adam and Eve rebelled against it and ever since then, it’s in our DNA to rebel against God’s design. That’s why we are experiencing many pains and struggles in the relationship. All of us experiences struggle in a relationship because all of us are sinners. Sin causes us to look at a relationship through a distorted lens. Sin causes us to have a distorted image. Genesis 3:16 – To the woman he said, “I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children. Your desire shall be contrary to your husband, but he shall rule over you.” The author of Genesis clearly stated that besides the pain of childbearing, women will struggle with a desire that is contrary to her husband. There are three ways this desire expressed itself.

First, control. Rather than being a helper, you want to be the one in control. The idea of a helper is someone who helps the other party fulfil their responsibilities. So, the main task is given to men, not women. You are there to help. Yet because of sin, women want to seize control of that responsibility. Ladies, you know this to be true. You like to be in control. Isn’t that true? Especially in your relationship with your husband. There are so many times that you think to yourself, “This guy is a moron. He doesn’t know what he is doing.” Isn’t right? You like to be in control over everything. You think that your relationship will be so much better if he just listens to everything you say. Am I right? What is that? It’s the desire to lead the dance. For whatever reason, you always second guess his decision. And I think this is why some women like to be mysterious. They don’t like to be known. They are extremely unpredictable. Because if they become predictable, they lost control.

Let me give you an example. “What do you want to eat boo?” “You decide.” So we took her to our favourite restaurant, KFC. And the whole time throughout dinner she does not smile. “Are you okay boo?” “Yeah, I’m good.” “Are you sure?” “Yep.” Till finally after a few long hours of fishing it out of her, you get the answer. “You don’t understand me. I don’t want to eat KFC. I want K-bbq.” “But you said I can decide.” “But I want you to know what I want without me telling you what I want.” Okay, granted, men if you do take your wives to KFC on a date night, you need a lot of work on your dating skill. But ladies, you have to help the men out. We, men, are a bunch of clueless creatures. We need helps. No, not hints. Hints doesn’t work on us most of the time. We are not that smart. You need to communicate to us what you want. One older lady once told me, “If I have to tell him what I want, I no longer want it.” What is that? That is the desire for control. Wives, you must be clear with your husbands. Yes, it will leave you vulnerable and makes you lose control but that’s the only way they can lead you properly.

Second, insecurity. Ladies, another way sin has corrupted your role is you become very insecure. And this insecurity leads you to compare yourself to other women. This is very strange for us as men. Men hardly ever check out other men. So if I walk in on a bunch of guys, they don’t say to one another, “Check out Ps Yos. He smells nice. I wonder what cologne he used.” No, we, don’t do that regularly. But women tend to check out other women on a regular basis. A study has confirmed that women spend more time checking each other out than they do opposite sex. And it’s not just other women’s clothes they are checking out. It’s practically every aspect of life from appearance, possession, husband, and kids. One article argues that women actually dress for other women. “Most women will agree that when we look in the mirror, we don’t ask ourselves what he sees in us. We ask what she sees.” They used the standard of culture as their lens of comparison. Ladies, you might not compare your appearance, but you compare your children. And this comparison leads to discontentment. You feel like what you are doing is meaningless compare to others. There is no sense of joy and purpose in what you are doing. And discontentment leads to fantasy. You begin to fantasize and imagine the “what if” scenario. “What if I look like her? What if my husband is like her husband? What if my children are like their children?” And Instagram does not make life easier for you. Because when you look at Instagram, you see everyone is having the best time of their life. And you wonder why your life sucks. You look at other wife’s Instagram story, “Woke up to breakfast in bed prepared by my hubby #BlessedWife #HusbandOfTheYear.” And you thought, “Why is my husband not making me breakfast in bed? Am I not blessed? I also want to have a husband of the year.” You have no idea that they were fighting all night long because her husband cheated on her and he is trying to make it up to her. You might not have breakfast in bed but your husband is faithful to you. What you see on Instagram is only a façade and not reality. You know it. But despite that, you still feel insecure and compare your life to others.

Third, perfectionism. The other way sin has distorted the image is in the form of perfectionism. You feel the urge to prove to yourself that you are somebody. Even when you already become that somebody that you desire, it’s still not enough. The urge to keep proving to yourself that you are somebody never cease. Katty Kay in her New-York Times bestselling book for women writes this. “Women feel confident only when they are perfect.” So, women strive to be the perfect daughter, or the perfect student, the perfect girlfriend, the perfect wife, the perfect friend, the perfect worker, the perfect mother. For you, everything is a competition. You are never happy if there is someone better than you at the thing you excel in. You want your husband and your children to be perfect. This is why women are more prone to depression and anxiety. There are more women who committed suicide than men. How can you ever be happy, feel at peace and be at rest, if perfection is the standard? You cannot. You keep striving but you never get there.

And ladies, do you know how you express your frustration? Through words. When men feel frustrated, they use strength to intimidate others. When women feel frustrated, they use words. They use words to slander other people. Why do women love to gossip? To make them feel better about themselves. Gossip shows that you are frustrated and that’s why you need to talk down about other women. But wives, the first person who is affected by your words is your husbands. When you are frustrated, you use your words to destroy your husbands. And it is not pleasant. Proverbs 21:9 – It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife. Did you hear that? The Bible says it is better to live at the rooftop than in the same house as a nagging wife. Amen husbands? Not too loud. Ladies, your words are extremely powerful. There is just something about your words that can bring life to men or destroy him altogether. It can either build under-qualified men to be men after God’s own heart or, it can destroy the best of men to dust. Use your words carefully. A few years ago, we did a “Love actually” series, and one of the sermons was specific to the wife, similar to this one. And I had a traumatic experience. What you need to know is I worked hard to prepare for the sermon. I usually spent about 20 hours to prepare for a sermon but for that particular sermon to the wives, it took me about 30 hours. I studied and researched to make sure I get my facts right. And after the series ended, we sent out a survey to get people’s feedback. And I will never ever forget this. One girl commented on the sermon to the wife, “What does Yosi know about women?” Ouch. I have no idea who wrote it. She might be listening to this sermon right now. If you are, just know that your words have scarred me for life. Ladies, do not use your words to destroy others. Use your words to bring life to others, especially your husbands.

So we learned the responsibilities of wives and how sin corrupted those responsibilities. The question is now, what are we supposed to do? Let me give you two applications in the light of what we learned and I’ll give one other application specifically for the single women.

Applications

First, behold the gospel. “Wait? Isn’t this the same as last week?” You bet it is. That’s why the sub-title for the series is “looking at relationship through the eyes of the gospel.” Because I’m convinced that the key to every flourishing relationship is the gospel. Ladies, the issue of control, insecurity and perfectionism, is a battle that you need to face every morning when you wake up. It’s not a one-off battle where one battle decides everything. It’s a daily continual struggle. And there will be a day where you fail and there will be a day where you succeed. That’s why the first thing you need to do is to behold the gospel. If you trust in Christ, what God sees in you is perfection. Do you hear that? And since perfection is yours, now you are empowered by the Spirit to pursue your responsibilities. This is what it means for you ladies. You no longer need to seek control because you know Christ is the one who is ultimately in control of your life. Not you. Not your husband. Christ! He is your ultimate husband. And the good news is that he is delighted in you. You can be sure that 24/7 he always has your best interest at heart. It also means you don’t need to feel insecure. Because let’s face it. There is nothing good in you that can attract Christ’s attention in the first place. You are ugly sinners. Yet, he loves you. Christ sees you at your lowest and he is committed to make you lovely. He not only says he loves you; he proves his love for you by dying for you at the cross. He died for you. And the moment you put your faith in him, at that very moment, you are already in the embrace of his perfect love. Christ not only love you 3000, he loves you infinitely. He sees you at your weakest and he loves you with his best. And now you understand you don’t have to be perfect. Christ already fulfils that perfection for you and in him, God sees you as perfect. Now you can breathe, relax, and smile. Now you can be a helper fit for your husband because Christ is your ultimate husband. Wives, it is only when you love Christ the most as your ultimate husband that you can be a helper fit for your husbands. Unless you understand this, you will tend to idolize your husband and make him carry the weight of being the perfect husband for you. And you will be disappointed again and again because he cannot, only Christ can. But when you know that Christ is your ultimate husband, now there is joy and purpose to everything you do. You are not simply being a helper for your husband, but you do it as to the Lord.

Second, be productive with your time and energy. Be intentional in removing those that take away your joy in Christ and be intentional in pursuing those that increase your joy in Christ. What takes away your joy in Christ? What trigger that desires for control, insecurity, and perfectionism? If it’s Instagram, then stay away from Instagram for a season. If it is a Korean drama, then stop it. Trust me, you will not die from lack of Instagram and Korean drama. And begin to add to your life things that increase your joy in Christ. What feed your confidence in Christ? Make that a priority. Build a relationship with other women in the church who are rooted in the gospel. Younger women, seek older women who are more versed in the gospel dance than you are. Begin to seek their wisdom and learned from them. There is a reason why God put them in your life. They might be a little bit old-fashioned compare to you, but their wisdom can help you dance better. And older women, be intentional in investing your life on younger women. There are other girls in here that can learn from you and what you’ve been through. Don’t wait for them to seek you. Take the initiative to approach them and be their friends. Be honest about your mistakes and be gracious in helping them learn the gospel dance. Help them to see Jesus. Show them that Jesus is what they need to pursue above all things. Live out that life for them to see. They need you to become their friends and mentors.

Third, for single women, never sell yourself cheap. I am going to be very honest. Single ladies, not all of you will be married. This applies to the men as well but more toward the ladies as we know there are more women than men in the world. Here is my encouragement. Do not sell yourself cheap. I understand that for you single ladies, with age, comes greater anxiety. And the tendency is to lower your standard to not be single. Don’t do that. It is better to live a single fulfilled life than to lower your standard and live miserably. I know it’s easy for me to say but I know what the Bible says. For you singles, Christ is the lover you need. He is the perfect spouse that you long for. He is the ultimate joy that you desire. So, when the gift of marriage is being withheld from you, understand that Christ is trying to satisfy you with more of his love. In Christ, you never lose. In Christ, it is always gain, whether he chooses to bestow the gift or marriage or not. Because marriage is ultimately about him. So, if he withholds the gift of marriage from you, rejoice! It can only mean one thing. He wants to satisfy you with greater joy, greater delight, that no man or woman can give you. He wants to give you more of himself! Oh, what a gift that is. More on this in the coming weeks.

Discussion questions:

1. Women, before the sermon, what mark would you give yourself as your readiness to fulfill the responsibilities as wives? (1 for not read and 5 for I am very close to be the best wife ever). Explain your reason behind the mark.
2. 1 Corinthians 11:9 – Neither was man created for woman, but woman for man. Does anything about this verse make you feel uncomfortable? Why?
3. Explain what submission is and what it is not. When should wife submit to her husband?
4. Out of the three distorted images, which one do you struggle the most with? Why?
5. Men, why is it extremely crucial for you to have a high Biblical standard in choosing a spouse?
6. How does the gospel empower women to live out their God-given responsibilities in a relationship?
7. Women, after the sermon, what mark would you give yourself as to your readiness to fulfill your responsibilities as wives? (1 for not ready and 5 for I am almost fully Christ-like). Explain your reason behind the mark.