09 Feb The forgiven and forgiving
Matthew 18:21-35
21 Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” 22 Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times. 23 “Therefore the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his servants. 24 When he began to settle, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents. 25 And since he could not pay, his master ordered him to be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and payment to be made. 26 So the servant fell on his knees, imploring him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you everything.’ 27 And out of pity for him, the master of that servant released him and forgave him the debt. 28 But when that same servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii, and seizing him, he began to choke him, saying, ‘Pay what you owe.’ 29 So his fellow servant fell down and pleaded with him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you.’ 30 He refused and went and put him in prison until he should pay the debt. 31 When his fellow servants saw what had taken place, they were greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their master all that had taken place. 32 Then his master summoned him and said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. 33 And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?’ 34 And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers, until he should pay all his debt. 35 So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.”
Can you agree that there’s just something about taking revenge that makes us feel good? Taking revenge makes us feel like that justice has been served. It says if you hurt me or inflict pain, loss or suffering, then I am well within my right to get you back for what you did. You just can’t get away from what you’ve done without suffering the consequences. Church we only need to look around to see that taking revenge isn’t taboo, but it’s everywhere! From the news on tv, the movies we watch, books we read, and games we play. They’re almost always about revenge. I mean what’s been popular on Netflix over the year? Squid Game, Alice in Borderland, Glory … even Jerry Springer! Jerry Jerry Jerry! Fight! Fight Fight!
The fact is, taking revenge feels so natural that none of us here today are immune from it. Some of you may be sitting right here in this very auditorium or tuning in online, right this very second, thinking of how you can get back at someone for what they’ve done. And I get it, there are many reasons that make getting back at someone feel like it’s the right thing to do. Many reasons! You could’ve been deeply hurt by someone close to you. Maybe a colleague or advisor you trusted has taken advantage of your vulnerable position and broken that trust. Maybe you found out that your boyfriend, girlfriend or spouse has been cheating on you. Or that your best friend has gone to great lengths to go behind your back. Maybe you’ve been in an unhealthy relationship and abused emotionally and physically. Or maybe someone just won’t pay you back. Does anyone come to mind? It’s undeniable that when we experience pain and suffering at the hands of others a part of us hopes that they would also suffer. And as if being in these types of situations isn’t already hurtful enough. Can you also agree that it’s even more painful if we were wronged by those in the church? By those who also call ROCK Sydney home? Let me tell you that it is extremely painful and disappointing if it’s a brother, sister, MC leader, Minister or even Pastor that hurt us. It’s painful and so much harder to deal with because they should’ve known better! We expected so much better from them.
But here’s something we all need to know. If today you say that you’re a Christian. If you say that you’re one of Jesus’ disciples. Then your life shouldn’t be characterised by revenge, but by the opposite of it. Forgiveness. And as Christians, we can be forgiving of the painful sins committed against us, even those committed by very people sitting next to us. Why? Because our endless wretched sins have first been forgiven by God. And that’s the focus of Jesus’ parable we’re reading tonight.
But before we go on, let’s look at the context. Jesus had just taught the disciples in verse 15 what to do if someone in church sins against them. His disciples are to seek out reconciliation. They are to go and make amends. And in response to this teaching, Peter asks “21 … “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?””. Now isn’t this a question we normally grapple with in our own hearts? Just how many times should I forgive a brother or sister who keeps hurting me? Surely they ought to get the message after being forgiven 3 times right? If it happens the 4th time round, well they don’t deserve forgiveness cause they’re just not getting it! In Peter’s case forgiving a brother 7 times should be more than enough. So yes, we know forgiveness is important, but Josh – what’s the limit?
And just like Peter, many of us tonight need to hear Jesus’ rebuke “22 Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times.” Now it’s unclear in the original text as to what seventy-seven times means. It could mean literally 77 times or 70 x 7 to equal 490 times. But whatever it is Jesus isn’t teaching us maths here. Rather Jesus’ point to Peter is that there should be no limit to his forgiveness. His forgiveness to his brothers and sisters is to be unlimited. For Peter and all his disciples including us today, forgiveness is to be a way of life. Look there’s no hiding the fact that we’re all sinners still living in this fallen world. We will sin against others, and will be sinned against time and time again, especially within this very church. But the message is clear. If we truly believe that God has forgiven us of our sins, then we should also not withhold forgiveness from our brothers and sisters in Christ who sin against us.
We’ll look at 3 things tonight, the necessity to forgive, how we forgive and empowered to forgive.
THE NECESSITY TO FORGIVE
In the passage, Jesus homes in on the importance of forgiving those of the same family in Christ using a parable. He says “23 “Therefore the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his servants. 24 When he began to settle, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents. 25 And since he could not pay, his master ordered him to be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and payment to be made. 26 So the servant fell on his knees, imploring him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you everything.’ 27 And out of pity for him, the master of that servant released him and forgave him the debt.”
So the story goes that one day there was a king who conducted an audit of the kingdom’s finances and noticed that there was a significant chunk of money missing. And after discovering this massive debt, the king has the servant in charge of the missing funds to be brought to him to be accountable. Now today, we can easily miss the significance of 10,000 talents. To help you gauge the huge amount of debt owed, 1 talent equals 6,000 denarii which was the currency in those days. And 1 denarius was payment for 1 day’s work. So 1 talent being 6,000 denarii equalled to 20 years’ worth of work! Now times that by 10,000 we get 200,000 years or 60 million days’ worth of work. And if you convert that to Australian dollars, ChatGPT totals it to about $30 billion AUD. Now you get the significance of the debt owed by this servant! It’s no small amount
And now the king demands the servant to pay up. But the servant just simply couldn’t pay. It’s a debt that’s just way too big! It’s unpayable. So what’s left to do was for the king to sell the servant, his wife, children and all that he had as payment for the debt. Mind you that the sale wouldn’t have covered even a fraction of the total debt, so selling the servant and all he had was more a punishment. And hearing this he dropped to his knees and begged for mercy. He knows he’s bankrupt and there’s nothing he can do. In all his desperation he begs the king to be patient, “please, just give me time to pay you back o King!”. Now how on earth is he ever going to pay his debt even if he got more time, right? He’ll never pay it off in his lifetime. It’s futile. He’s at a dead end. But look what happens next!
The king took pity and forgave him of the debt! No strings attached. No fine print. He’s free. Hang on a second! The servant asked for more time, but the king released him of the debt instead? Wow – what a king! The servant hoped for a patient king but got a merciful king instead. Imagine if you were forgiven of just your mortgage today. You’d feel an immense weight off your shoulders. And you’d probably sleep peacefully at night knowing you’re debt free.
But the story doesn’t end there, “28 But when that same servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii, and seizing him, he began to choke him, saying, ‘Pay what you owe.’ 29 So his fellow servant fell down and pleaded with him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you.’ 30 He refused and went and put him in prison until he should pay the debt.”. So right after being forgiven of his $30 billion dollar debt, he found another servant who owed him money. And the money he’s owed isn’t even 1 talent. It’s only 100 denarii or 100 days wages. ChatGPT says 100 days wages is approximately $34,000 Australian dollars. It’s a debt that can be paid off with time. So his colleague begs in the same way he begged the king, “I know I have a debt to pay you, but please just give me some time to pay you back”. You’d expect him to forgive his colleague right?
But no, that’s not what happened. He doesn’t forgive him, nor does he give him more time to pay the debt. In fact, he goes one step further and puts his colleague in prison. Reading all this I’m sure we’re all thinking the same thing. What a heartless and merciless person the servant is! But listen Church, we are no different to this ungrateful servant if we ourselves also refuse to forgive others.
And what happened next? “31 When his fellow servants saw what had taken place, they were greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their master all that had taken place. 32 Then his master summoned him and said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. 33 And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?’ 34 And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers, until he should pay all his debt.” He was reported back to the king. And the king was fuming! He’s now angry and rightfully so. He summons the unforgiving servant and says “You wicked servant! Did I not forgive you of all your debt? Not just $1000 or $1 million, but all $30 billion worth. You begged for more time and I gave you something better freedom. I showed you undeserved mercy. Should you not then show the same mercy to your fellow servant who owes you only $34,000? You’re hereby sentenced to prison until you pay every single cent of that $30 billion dollars”. And this unfaithful servant never saw the light of day again.
What’s the meaning of this parable? Jesus tells his disciples in verse 35 “35 So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.”. Wow! This is a warning we shouldn’t take lightly. Remember Jesus is talking with who? With Peter. With his disciples. He’s talking to Christians. So this warning applies to us just as it applied to them then. And Jesus’ warning is this. If we fail to forgive our brothers and sisters in Christ from the heart, then like any unforgiving and unrepentant sinner, God will not extend his forgiveness to us. Did you get that? If we hold back forgiving our brothers and sisters in Christ, then God will hold back his forgiveness to us.
But hear me out – this does not mean you can lose God’s forgiveness for your sins, thus your salvation. No. That’s not what Jesus is saying here. And to preach that you can lose your salvation once you have been saved is heresy. Because at the cross of Christ, we are forgiven once and for all. But it’s to also know that if you have truly been saved. If you say you have been forgiven by God. That forgiveness you received also transforms your hearts to go on to forgive others. Our forgiving of others from the heart is an outward sign that we have received God’s forgiveness in our hearts. That’s why it’s necessary for Christians to be forgiving, not once or twice, but for life! But then how do we forgive? Let’s look at what the king does in the story.
HOW WE FORGIVE
“27 And out of pity for him, the master of that servant released him and forgave him the debt.”
There are three steps in how we can be forgiving. First – we take pity, second – we release the debtor, and third – we forgive the debt.
Take Pity
The first step is taking pity. To pity someone means to be sympathetic to a person’s suffering or distress. In other words, we are to have compassion for the misery of others in our reconciliation. And how we can even begin to take pity church is not by thinking that we’re any better than the person who hurt us. Or that we now deserve better treatment before we can forgive them. Because if this is our response, then our forgiveness wouldn’t have come from the heart at all. It would’ve been transactional and superficial. And it wouldn’t be the kind of forgiveness Jesus calls us to give. Rather how we can take pity and be compassionate is by coming down to the level of the person who hurt us and seeing them eye to eye. What I mean is we acknowledge that yes there’s pain. Yes, damage has been caused. Yes there’s now a wound that will need time to heal. But we also consider their circumstances and try to meet them where they are. We choose to seek out the good in others rather than their worst. We give them the benefit of the doubt.
And let me tell you, this first step to forgiveness isn’t easy. Because when we’ve been hurt by someone, isn’t our natural response to amplify all the negative things about that person? We focus on what we don’t like about them and let it bubble away in our hearts. My MC knows I’ve complained an awful lot about a particular person at work. Let’s call him Bob. I’ve been at my company for over 6 years now and have never moved from my desk. Bob knows this. One day I was having a bad morning and of all the days, Bob decides that was the perfect day to sit at my desk, graffiti on a post it note “Bob was here!” and stick it to my screen! Needless to say when I got in, instead of showing compassion and finding out why he was at my desk, I made Bob move tables to the other side of the office. But it didn’t stop there. After that day, suddenly everything about Bob just irritated me. There was a long time after that where every time Bob sends me an email, Teams message or even shows up to ask me a question, I’d roll my eyes and say “here we go again”. And this all started from Bob just sitting at my desk. It was very petty of me, and I needed to repent. But the point is this spiral can happen to any of us if we’re not careful. When someone cuts us off on the road – we call them stupid, when someone’s running late – we call them timewasters, when someone got our order wrong – we call them incompetent, when someone misunderstands us – we call them inconsiderate. Instead of showing compassion, we’ve let one bad event put a stain on that person and that’s all that we can see in them. We end up seeing ourselves as better than them. Church, it’s only when we are compassionate to others that we can move beyond any anger, bitterness and resentment, and move to forgiveness. So forgiveness begins with taking pity.
Releasing the Debtor
The second step to forgiveness is we release the debtor. We let those who hurt or offended us to simply go free. But whoa, hang on a second. That doesn’t sound right. How could you just let them go after they caused so much heartache? So we say “before I can move on, before I can forgive you, you need to show me that you’ve changed for the better. That you’ve learnt your lesson. You need to prove that you won’t cause that pain again – otherwise, there will be consequences”.
And on the surface this looks like genuine way to deal with those who hurt us right? We just want what’s good for them. Well, you can try to justify it all you like, but what’s really happening deep down in our hearts is that we’re just putting conditions on our forgiveness. We’re putting up fences around our forgiveness and we’re expecting that they’ll play within the boundaries. It’s a way for us to still get some payback for what they’ve done. Without realising it we’ve end up treating our brothers and sisters like criminals with ankle trackers. They’re free in society but are monitored 24/7 for any wrongdoing. And if they slip up then that freedom is taken away. We void our forgiveness. Is that some of us tonight? Do we have an unhealthy obsession with the actions of those who hurt us? Are we constantly watching over those who hurt us just waiting for them to slip up? If that’s us, then not only would we become even more disappointed when they fail – and they will fail! But we’d also find it even harder to extend anymore forgiveness to them or anyone else. So it’s important we also release the debtor in our forgiveness.
Forgive the debt
And the third and final step to forgiveness is we forgive the debt itself. And here’s why we cannot overlook this step. There is no such thing as free forgiveness. Because the pain is still there right? The damage has been done. The wound will leave a scar. The debt still exists. And the thing is if we don’t deal the debt, the deeper ingrained the pain becomes, and the harder it is to be forgiving. We can’t just sweep it under the rug. Someone needs to pay for it. And we only have two options in how we deal with the painful emotional debt left by others.
The first option is that we make the other person pay. And if we’re honest, we tend to be pretty good at this. Honestly, what do we do when someone hurts us? We make them pay by insulting them. By lashing out and cursing them. Becoming cold towards them. Avoiding them. Looking down on them. Excluding them from friendship groups. Sound familiar? We gossip about them to others, “You’ll never guess what Bob did the other day? How annoying is Bob right? If you want someone to do the work properly, don’t give it to Bob. Save yourself the trouble.” And in extreme cases, we even become hostile and make them pay by physically hurting them as well. The list goes on and on and on. We just find it fitting to make the other person pay for the hurt they caused us because it feels good. And because it feels good, we’ll keep doing it. Church, this “good feeling” is a false assurance. Because we’ll never be truly free from the pain if we make others pay. Instead, we’d be stuck in a never-ending cycle of bitterness. The more we indulge in seeing those who hurt us suffer, the more resentful we become of that person, and the more we sink into a deep dark hole of unforgiveness.
So what’s the other option? We pay for the debt ourselves. And we see this in the parable. Even though the king forgave the servant of $30 billion, it doesn’t just magically disappear from the accounting books. He pays for it. $30 billion gets recorded against his own personal account. The king absorbed the debt himself. And this option is the most painful to do! Why? Tim Keller says because “Forgiveness is granted before it is felt—not felt before it is granted… It is likely you have always thought, “Well, I have to feel it before I grant it. I have to start feeling less angry before I start to not hold them liable.” If you wait to feel it before you grant it, you’ll never grant it; you’ll be in an anger prison.” It’s painful because absorbing the debt ourselves requires us to be merciful at a time when mercy is undeserved. When we’re triggered to lash out and throw insults, we instead choose to hold our tongue. When we’re triggered to be cold and exclusive, we instead choose to seek them out and be hospitable to them. When we’re triggered to gossip or slander, we instead choose to encourage and pray for them. When we’re triggered to inflict pain, we instead choose to care for them. And that’s not all – depending on the wrong against us, we may be paying the debt over days, weeks, months or years! But Church, here’s the hope by taking this option. We will break free from the endless cycle of bitterness. We will be free from the anger prison. Yes, forgiveness is undeniably painful. But as we continue to extend mercy to those who hurt us, a day will come when extending that mercy would no longer be a painful burden, but a joyful thing to do.
So there you have it, the three steps to forgiveness – take pity, release the debtor and forgive the debt. Just do your best to follow these steps during the week. Let’s pray. No, we can’t stop there. Because no matter how hard we can try to do all these steps by our own strength, we will fail. So then what can we do? This brings me to the last point.
EMPOWERED TO FORGIVE
Church, what enables us to forgive isn’t because we’re reading more books, listening to more podcasts or more sermons on forgiveness. Because you can know an awful lot about forgiveness and still not be moved to forgive from the heart. The only way that we can begin to forgive from the heart is if the gospel first captivates our hearts. And how the gospel captivates our hearts by causing us to see two things.
The first thing is the significant debt we owed to God. When reading this parable, I’m sure we all aligned ourselves with the king because after all no one wants to be the bad guy in the story. But here’s the thing. God is the king in the story, not us. We’re the bad guy! We’re the servant who owes the king an unpayable debt of 10,000 talents. Because God is perfect, holy and just. It was our sins that caused us to owe God that massive debt. And here’s what should make your heart drop right where you are. Because of our sins, there is absolutely nothing that we can do in our lifetime and for all eternity to repay the debt we owe God. We are spiritually bankrupt and destined to be eternally punished for our sins. Can you see just how hopeless and doomed we are with our sins? So that’s the first thing the gospel causes us to see.
Second, it causes us to see the cost for God to forgive us of that debt. Remember there is no such thing as free forgiveness. Someone must pay the debt. So who pays our debt if not us? God himself. Jesus. Although Jesus was perfect and faultless in every way, he took pity on you and I, who are the imperfect and guilty ones. And he was so deeply moved with compassion that he left all his heavenly glory and majesty behind to come down to our level and meet us in our poverty. But not only that. In the face of our wretched sins. While we were still his enemies. When the only fitting thing to do was to punish us for all eternity, he chose to pay for our debt with his life instead. As Paul writes in Romans 5 “but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” And we see this undeserving merciful act of grace take place on the cross. When in all his agony, pain and suffering Jesus cried out “it is finished”. And just like that, Jesus absorbed all our debt. And because of what because of what Jesus did, we who put our faith in him today can have the confidence that our debt has been paid in full, and that we have been completely forgiven.
Church it is when we see the significant debt we owed to God, and the cost for God forgive that debt that we are empowered to forgive. The more we behold the unimaginable cost for God to forgive our sins, the more we can unimaginably go on to forgive others. We realise that the debts people owe us are but a tiny speck in comparison to the huge debt we owed to God. And if Jesus can pay for the infinite debt we owed to God, then we can pay for the smaller debts owed by others. We can go on to be a forgiving people because we are first a forgiven people. That’s how the gospel transforms our hearts and empowers us to forgive.
To close, I just want to say it doesn’t mean that we have amnesia when we forgive others. Forgiveness doesn’t mean we forget the wrongs committed against us. Yes, there’s absolutely a time when we need to make wrongs right, and that’s a sermon for another time. But we’ll never be able to make those wrongs right if we haven’t forgiven from the heart. We’d be only serving ourselves.
And tonight, there are many of you here harbouring grudges, resentment or bitterness in your hearts because someone’s hurt you. That you just can’t bring yourself to forgive someone because of all the grief they’ve put you through. If that’s you then heed Jesus’ warning that there’s to be no room for an unforgiving heart. Because you cannot say that you’ve been forgiven by God, if your heart isn’t then moved to forgive others. That’s rejecting the gospel. Instead remember and behold the cross. Remember that the debt you could never pay was fully forgiven by Christ. And remember the price Christ paid for you to be forgiven. And with that at heart, empowered by the Holy Spirit, go and extend that same mercy and forgiveness to those who hurt you.
Let’s pray.
Discussion questions:
- What struck you the most from the sermon?
- Peter asks Jesus how many times should he forgive a brother that keeps sinning against him. What are some roadblocks that you can see in your life stopping or limiting you extending forgiveness?
- Think of a time when you have been unforgiving, what were the impacts of that unforgiveness in your life?
- Looking at the 3 steps to forgiveness from the heart, which one do you find most difficult to do? Explain why.
- Think of someone you have yet to forgive, how does the gospel enable you to forgive that person?
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